Knocked Down & Kicked Around

Life, as we all know, is a series of ups and downs with a few blissful periods that are great where we are happy, and periods that are difficult and painful and everything seems to go wrong.

Sometimes there aren't a lot of big problems in our lives and people are generally leaving us alone and on the other hand we also go through times of loss and pain and confusion.

I've been pretty fortunate in my life compared to many others and even the most difficult trials that I have recently gone through are pretty minor in the grand scheme of things, but all the same the last year or so and especially the last few months have been very difficult for me.

Last January I lost my job after six years as an Assistant Pastor. When things like that happen, a person is pretty vulnerable and fragile and it’s natural to ask yourself some serious questions about your life and your ministry.

You start to wonder if anything that you did while in the role that you were “let go” from had any meaning at all. You begin to question whether the whole thing was just one big mistake.

You wonder as you lay awake at night if you made a difference in any one’s life at all. Was it all just a waste of time? Did you work those years for a ridiculously low salary at about half of what you were making at your previous job, with nothing to show for it in the spiritual world as well as the physical world? Wouldn't that be sad!

Sometimes those little nagging voices start up in your head; you know the ones I mean. “You’re a stupid loser, a failure.” “You can’t get along with anyone, nothing you said or did made any difference what-so-ever! What were you thinking?”

I’m sure I’m not the only one who occasionally hears those nasty, lying voices!

With the amount of depression and suicide and generally unhappy people around, I’m guessing many people hear them when they’re at their most vulnerable, and unfortunately, those voices can be pretty convincing. For some reason they sometimes seem to outweigh the positive, encouraging voices from the real people around us.

Why do we listen to lies when people who love us are telling us the opposite?

I wish I knew.

So I've had my ups and downs over the past few months and I've been very fortunate to have so many wonderful, caring supportive people around me, if you are one of those people, THANK YOU!

As it happens, a week ago Rose (my wife) and I went to see some friends from Master’s Commission (a Christian discipleship school) at a Saturday night service and seeing all those excited, amazing young people worshiping God, got me thinking about some of the wonderful times that Rose and I had with M/C over the years.

It made me sad to think that when they visit Edmonton they don’t go to the church anymore that I was then a part of. So many good things happened through that relationship and the people there will miss out on being a part of that. The good news is that they have forged a new relationship with a different church and new people will get to know them and be blessed through that relationship.

The evening I am writing about was one of those moments when I started to question the meaning of my life and the time I had spent in that church. It was precisely then, that God spoke to me for the first time in a long time and it was an amazing blessing. He started to bring to my mind things that had happened that we had been a part of over the 21 years that I had spent attending and working there.

Faces flashed before my eyes, special events and different ministries, words spoken and prayers answered and lives changed and he gave me a sort of list and I’m going to lay that list out for you here (at the risk of appearing boastful). 

Trust me, I have no reason to boast, if I've been part of anything good in my life it's because I've either been led into it by God or pushed into it by my wife! 

But on this occasion I believe He wanted me to remember and He seemed to want me to also share with you some of those things that have happened over the years that have real meaning, not just here in the physical world but also for eternity in the spiritual world.

Most of these things have happened in the last 10-12 years (I’m a slow starter) as someone once told me, “You’re not a first respond-er” and it’s absolutely true.

Our faith journey was kind of a back burner one for the first few years until we became friends with a couple in the church who’s strong faith, leadership ability and heart for people led us into new things, God used them to draw us out and help us to see what our own role was.

In 2002 Rose went on a mission trip to El Salvador and I went the following year on a trip to build a church in a little village where the child scholarship program was centered.

We were already sponsors of several kids and I was able to meet one of the little girls while I was there, surprisingly I got very emotional seeing her in person and over the years since then Rose and I have personally sponsored anywhere from 2-10 kids every year since 2002.

While working at the church, one of my responsibilities was administering the scholarship project from the Canadian side and I was happy to see it steadily grow over the years. There are many generous people choosing to change the lives of kids and their families through education, some of those kids even continued on to high school and university.

Next came our involvement in the Alpha Course, an introduction to Christianity course that ran evenings over 11 weeks and includes a weekend “away”.

We both took to it right away and it was a joy to see people come to faith through the course time after time. At first I was a table host, (who, me?) leading the discussion but after a couple of years I found myself, along with Rose, leading the entire venture. “I’m the director but you’re just the course administrator” we would kid each other.

Since then we've led the course something like 20 times with somewhere between 600 and 700 people taking the course and with dozens of people coming to faith and giving their lives to Jesus. Others, just like us, became table hosts and shared their faith around those Alpha tables, seeing their own lives change as they gave their time and energy to bless others.

Over the years I made plenty of mistakes, letting people volunteer to be a part of the course when I knew they weren't suited for it (it’s hard to say no!) and actually having to fire someone who just simply didn't get it. Well to be honest, it was a joint decision but Rose dropped the axe.

My big mouth got me into trouble a few times of course, saying things I shouldn't have or not knowing what to say when I should have spoken, but all in all, the courses went well and many lives were changed for the better.

Rose and I had a close connection with Moose Lake Gospel Camp over the years, going to many “work bees” and painting just about anything that didn't move out of the way. One summer we renovated “the boy’s dorm” rebuilding the wall that had a bunch of holes in it, and building shelves for storage and of course painting. We adopted a cabin, fixing it up with a fridge and table and a few amenities from home. They were good years and the camp had a profound impact on our own kids and Rose’s sister’s kids who came out to family camp with us many times.

For the past 11 years we've been involved in “connection groups” at the church, leading and/or hosting the groups in our home many times. Usually we would alternate hosting a group with leading the Alpha course because trying to do them both at the same time was just too much; we learned that the hard way!

Over the years we've been involved with leading about 12 groups, having somewhere around 100 or so people in our home (in groups of 8-12 at a time) and also leading in the homes of others.

Working at the church and being part of Alpha and small groups gave us the opportunity to visit dozens of people in hospital or at home in a crisis and Rose was always glad (or at least willing) to come along with me on many of those occasions.

Working at the church also gave me the opportunity to pray with complete strangers who would walk in off the street or who would just randomly call a church looking for help, people looking for compassion or prayer or who were simply confused about life and about God. 

Sometimes these people were obviously unbalanced, mentally ill and tormented by something, perhaps even demonized and usually those calls would somehow come to me.

I did my best to give good advice, “have you seen a doctor? Are you on any medications? I will be happy to talk to you and pray for you but……see a doctor and take your medications!” Many times I would talk to people and then refer them to a professional counselor and I still sometimes pray for particular people that I remember even now.

For many years, once a month, Rose made 20 bagged lunches at home to be delivered to the We-Care inner city ministry for the working poor and homeless people downtown. I know that those meals made a difference; they showed God’s love to people who really needed it.

There were some amazing special events or occasions over the years, I’ll never forget the Community Day we did at Evansdale where we brought the Watoto Children’s Choir in to perform in the school Gym. As the “Pastoral Intern” I had lots of time on my hands and with my connection to Evansdale School, (I was then volunteering in the Kindergarten Class Friday mornings) I was assigned with planning the whole event.

My planning chart from our Watoto Choir - Community Day

It turned out to be an amazing success and I will always remember that day fondly, seeing the unabashedly Christian choir giving their testimonies and singing about Jesus in the school gym in front of a crowd of hundreds of adults and children, many of whom were Muslim or other faiths.

The secret to getting them there was giving away several free bikes at the end of the concert, sneaky but effective (I can’t take the credit; someone else came up with that one).

Bringing Financial Peace University to the church was the brainchild of my wife Rose, talking to Kerri of M/C she heard that they had done the course in Chilliwack and when she mentioned it to me we were able to present it for the church here. It was well attended and I think understanding debt and money management helped many people, including us!

Another contribution of my wife Rose was bringing "Love and Respect" to my attention. She tried it out on me first and convinced that it is an effective marriage ministry tool, we brought it to leadership and it was decided to present it for the congregation. We really believe that God has a plan for marriages and this book/seminar presents it in an effective way. I know it has helped our own marriage and many others as well.

Over the six years that I worked there I preached about 50 times and I am very proud of the fact that I never knowingly said an untrue word from the pulpit, which is perhaps not always the case in the world of preaching. 

I guess it’s just my personality but it really rubs me the wrong way when I hear (or myself speak) poorly researched, glibly uttered, sloppily written sermons.

A Video that I made for a sermon a few years ago, it's kind of fun!

On the other hand I know that my own work was often too rigidly prepared and there was little room left for the Holy Spirit to get a word in edgewise.

If I had to characterize my idea of a good sermon, it would be "God's Truth" presented honestly, simply and without the taint of cynical manipulation.

Every second month for the past several years, Rose and I also had the privilege to deliver a sermon and to visit with the elderly at a local Extendicare residence. It was fun spending time with some really great people, even though a few of them snoozed through the preaching!

I think that my favourite time of the year was always the visit from the Master’s Commission team in May. One year when someone was away, I was put in charge of planning the weekend and I took it very seriously because I know how much they need and want to be challenged during their “outreach tour”.

Over the years that I was involved planning their time in Edmonton we sure kept them busy with some meaningful work. We took them to The Kid’s Kottage several times, The Mustard Seed Church, and on one memorable occasion, The House of Refuge, downtown. That is one very gritty, inner city ministry but the kids seemed to love it, they cleaned all day, organized the clothing and food stores and then made supper for 60-80 people, served it and did a worship service and testimony time.

Another time a missionary couple living in El Salvador mentioned on the phone to Rose that their rental house here in Edmonton was trashed and they didn't know what they were going to do about it. They needed to get it cleaned up and repaired so new renters could go in, but they couldn't afford to come home and look after it. It just so happened that Rose mentioned the situation to me, and I arranged to have the M/C team spend a full day working on the house, it’s amazing what 30 young people can accomplish in a day!

We loved hosting the M/C teams every year, billeting them in our house, seeing their presentations at church and trying to make their visit to Edmonton meaningful and rewarding, both for the team, our church family and the organizations that they helped out while they were here.

The list goes on and on; looking after the church building, (keeping the crawl space free of water was always fun) working on finances and budgets (those were some challenging times!), singing on the worship team and looking after the sound department, (unofficially of course). 

Other tasks kept me busy, such as administering the children’s ministry department, running a photo club, shoveling snow and helping with picnics and special events. Rose and I also loved coming up with ideas for the "Ladies Silent Auction"(remember the "secret of the sufrito"?) 

We also enjoyed many, many Sunday afternoon lunches out and dinners at our house with different people from church and the social aspect of ministry added a lot to our lives.

Even though our relationship with this particular church has abruptly ended, we will always have many fond memories of the people we came to know and love over the years. Thanks God for all of these fond memories and for bringing so many great people into the lives of our family!

It seems that God knew what I needed to remember about my time there and He also knows what I need to forget.

If you are still with me, I apologize for this rather long post and for what might seem to be a self-aggrandizing, prideful display on my part, but I honestly felt that it was something that I needed to articulate and share. 

If you have been part of a church for a while and you’re not involved in some kind of ministry, you’re missing out! We are all called on to be part of the ministry of the church, to be the hand of Jesus extended to the world, to show love and compassion and mercy.

I definitely needed a reminder that even when relationships sour, the work still has meaning, it isn't wasted just because “people are funny”.

The truth is we’re all a little funny and if we can’t take a little abuse for the team, we’re not very sincere in our faith.

Another thing that we all need to remember is that we can only do what we can do, after that it's up to God. 

We need to be willing to be used for His purposes. We can put ourselves out there, pray for guidance and direction and do what needs to be done, but in the end and especially when it comes to spiritual matters, it's God who makes it happen. 

Always remember to enjoy the journey and the people!

Update: Rose and I have found a new church to connect with and since we started attending we have led a home group several times, helped with the Alpha course 3 times now and met some lovely new people. Once again, we are truly blessed!