Waking up to life

Well, it’s done! 

The surgery is complete and I'm now just trying to recover and recuperate. 

I don’t mind saying that I was terrified of this surgery, or any surgery for that matter. Just the idea of someone cutting into my body is enough to send my brain into paroxysms of apprehensive flight response.

Basically, I want to go away. 

As my granddaughter Junie would say, “hide and go seek... you hide Papa”. 

I’ll hide alright! 

But then another more aware part of my brain (named Rose) cracks the whip and I find myself in a hospital bed. 

Here I am, groggily snapping a selfie (or maybe Wilson took the photo) of me and my happy face sporting, breathing exerciser that I have befriended and named Wilson. 

He, I,  and our other buddy, Morphine have been having a ball, but sometimes Wilson is a real drag! Buda-bing!

Me and my new buddy Wilson, clowning around

Rose has been around all afternoon running to Tim Hortons for tea and donuts, she is so great, what a peach. 

Everyone here at the Royal Alex has been terrific and they’ve been taking good care of me. 

It’s a long list of kind people and maybe it’s the drugs wearing off but the first really memorable person that comes to mind from surgery today is Michelle in post op. 

I had no idea what was happening but when I slowly and befudlingly clawed my way back into the land of the living, hers was the voice of reality that I clung to. It may have gone something like this, “Doug, are you with us? Welcome back! I need you to squeeze my hand, Doug…Doug, come on, give us a squeeze, you’re doing fine”. 

Well, Michelle you will probably never know how wonderful it was to hear your kind voice as it slowly sank in that I had indeed survived the surgery. Not that it was particularly dangerous but we all know that unplanned things can happen in surgery, and with my overactive imagination on overdrive for the past few days, survival felt like a miracle. 

The surgery took place in Theatre 5 and everyone, from the 2 anesthetists, (the primary doctor and the resident named Allie), to the nurses and Dr. Laing who was my surgeon, were all awesome. 

I am not shy about telling my medical caregivers how much I appreciate them and I have become downright chatty around here in the intensive recovery room. That’s what I’m calling it. There are 4 beds and I hear they are usually fully occupied but there are only 2 of us tonight with one nurse shared between us. And from what I’ve seen, the extra care is definitely needed.

It’s a 20 minute ordeal to get me up to the washroom and when I get there I’m crammed into our tiny bathroom with my IV pole and the box that is connected to the chest drain tube and a very shy bladder!

We had a little drama with the chest tube while Rose was visiting. We were trying to get me out of bed for the first time and when I sat up it revealed a big puddle of blood where the tube had been oozing for a while.

I'm not too fond of the feeling of blood pouring out of me, but it was quickly staunched along with my dignity as I was wrestled into a clean gown and thankfully, a pair of boxers. 

The night resident doctor was called to look at the suture and he fiddled with the tube and pronounced it ready for a new dressing and it’s been good ever since.

I brought along some noise cancelling headphones and ear plugs and my tablet with a detachable keyboard and I’m glad that I had all this stuff last night. 

How to get through the night in a hospital ward

There was some kind of medical drama with the other patient and it sounded like at least 5 people in attendance. Eventually the kerfuffle died down though and it all seems to be under control. 

Writing in bed at 3:00 am and listening to music while pandemonium breaks out across the room is a very strange occurrence but I’m smart enough to know when there is nothing I can do to help. 

Strangely enough I feel well rested after a weird, disjointed night and in a strange way, it's kind of fun! I've met some lovely  members of the marvelous nursing staff here during my stay.

 

There have been a long succession of nurses looking after me. Starting with Phyllis and then Chou and Jo & Tommy & Christie & Kristen & Hannah & Elisabeth & Alicia and Divya and  many others at one time or another, all a blessing to me. Thank you!

Today it's Grace.

Usually she works downstairs in pre- admitting but today she is picking up an extra shift. It's the first time in 8 years she has worked in this observation room and through a fortunate confluence of life streams, we've come together to be buddies for the day.

I appreciate all of the little kindnesses that she's showered over me today and I want her to know she's doing a great job. 

I did have surgery, but I'm doing ok, due in part to Grace and the rest of the nursing staff and how well they've done their job. So no, I'm not shy about saying it out loud.

But after about the 15th time I was forced to shut up about it while they stuck a thermometer in my mouth to take my temperature, I'm starting to think they may be getting tired of hearing it!

Rose of course shows her appreciation in more tangible ways, she made some chocolate muffins but couldn't bring them in for the staff, so she picked them up some Turtles and Werthers (pre-wrapped goodies are ok).

It doesn't hurt my stock around here to have such a sweet and personable wife/advocate! 

Rose though, just can't help trying to be helpful. 

I have a dickens of a time getting her to sit down and just relax and talk with me. Instead she wants to redecorate my space, “ if we just move this over here and unplug this unnecessary equipment it will be much better, what's that beeping? It sounds kind of urgent!”

She's a total sweetie, but she makes me nervous around here. I handed her my phone for a second while we were walking because I had no pockets. She  put it in her back pocket and immediately headed for the bathroom! Of course my brain immediately goes to the worst case scenario and I sent the nurse off for a bag of rice ( you know why). 

Just kidding, but Rose was sure surprised to see me chasing her down the hallway trying to get my phone back so soon after my surgery.

Silly it may be, but it's definitely hard to relax with those sorts of visions in my head. Of course it was all good and Rose laughed at me when she got back with my completely dry phone. 

But I can't help it, I'm me. Completely unapologetic and proud to be me. And on our 39th anniversary, I'm proud to be married (still) to a completely amazing, beautiful, kind, compassionate and sometimes scary, woman of God. 

I talked to one of the surgeons today and he told me it went great, they were able to remove all of the tumor even though they had to make a little bit bigger incision in my side to get it all out. They also took some lymph nodes around the tumor and are sending them off to be analyzed and hopefully they will not be malignant. 

This morning I had 6 different cables and tubes attached to me and now it's just the chest drain tube and that appears to be doing it's job and they are happy with the amount and colour of the fluid. 

They just moved me into a room with 3 women but at least I have a window and a privacy curtain I can close. My gown tying skills leave a lot to be desired and Magic Mike I am definitely not!

For the most part, things are on track except for a persistent air leak in my left lung that is keeping me here much longer than expected.  

I'm tired and discouraged, but we are slowly inching towards my discharge and life is good. God is good. In many ways I feel like the luckiest guy in the world. So much love, prayer and support has come my way through all of this that it has really been a blessing.

Rose heard a beautiful song called Brighter Days by Blessing Offor and thought it would cheer me up (10 days in the hospital seems like forever) and boy did that backfire! It's a wonderful song, but sometimes when you're going through stuff, your emotions just can't cope with forward looking hope songs. 

Check it out here

https://youtu.be/I6lp1Oxb9L4

Whatever happens now, I thank each and every one of you who has been on the journey with me and taken time out of your busy lives to read this blog and reach out to Rose and I with love and kindness. 

The meaning of life is this – RELATIONSHIPS

Like you, I've known this for a long time but I haven't always acted like it. If I've learned anything at all going through this illness it's to value the people in my life more.

Covid has put barriers between us and particularly so for me as fear of contracting the virus before my surgery has stopped me from spending time with friends and family and church.

I miss the hugs, I miss the meals and laughs, I miss my photography club buddies.

I've always been blessed in so many ways but particularly when it comes to my wife and family and friends. Thank you for being there for me. Happy 39th anniversary Rose, you're one in a million❤

An e-mail to a friend

I really think I need to tell this story. A few years ago we were out at Moose Lake Gospel Camp and it was part way through the week and one night after the evening service had ended, (it wasn’t really over, but you know what I mean, a lot of people had wandered off for mug up or whatever) something special happened.

See if you can imagine the scene:

It was a hot summer night, so hot that in the old Tabernacle they had raised the sides up, they were on hinges so that when it was hot you could prop them open and let the cool evening air into the building. It was an absolutely perfect summer evening, not even any mosquitoes!

Rose and I and April were standing along one side where the walls were propped up and the worship team, which happened to be from NECF that year, were still playing. Many people had left and the worship team was very tired, but there was obviously something special happening, you could just feel it. I should say here that many times in the past I had a hard time really entering into worship. I was often distracted by what people were doing, what they were wearing, how the music sounded or noises or just what was going on in my own life and in my own head, or what the worship team looked like, you name it and it distracted me!

But that night God did something, he gave me a gift, (one of many over the years) that totally changed my concept of worship. Of course I knew intellectually what worship was supposed to mean, that we worshipped God because He asked us to, that it is an important part of our relationship with God and it’s one of the ways that we communicate with Him. Worship is one thing that we can do that we know pleases God. I knew all that, but I don’t think that I really got it, if you know what I mean.

As I said, it had turned into a bit of a marathon worship session and maybe 25 people were still left when I began to sense something happening, it was no longer the same old worship for me in the sense that I wasn’t completely still me. It was the weirdest thing, I felt like I was seeing the worshippers and the worship from god’s perspective. Not completely of course, but I got just enough of a glimpse that I think I gained an insight into just why we are called to worship God in that way.

You’ve probably seen those dramatic re-enactments of near death experiences when the sick person hovers up by the ceiling looking down at themselves? It was kind of like that. I saw the absolutely pure and beautiful faces of the worshippers, without the distractions that would normally cloud things. I could sense the pleasure that God felt as he received and communed with His people. I could see what worship should truly look like and how it was designed to be. It was a truly remarkable and wonderful and beautiful experience and back then I had no idea why I had received such a precious gift.

Of course I told Rose later that night and a few other people at camp, (Rose made me tell) but I have never put down in writing exactly what happened until now. Often we don’t know why God chooses to put people in our path, or why circumstances seem to throw certain people together. 

I know that The Alpha Course has brought many special people into my life. God has richly rewarded me through my participation in the Alpha Course in so many ways. It was through Alpha that I was nudged out of the pews, (so to speak) and into a position of leadership through service, and I will always be thankful for that. God could have used anyone to reach out to certain people, but He brought them to me and somehow, despite my weakness and inadequacies he spoke to them and brought them into a relationship with himself. It was such a blessing, and it gave me such confidence to write the eulogy for my dad and to be able to deliver it with faith and compassion. I feel God used even that to reach out to people in my family.

I love God. He loves us all and He wants each one of us to experience fully what it means to be in relationship with Him. That’s why He does these amazing things for us when we just can’t seem to get it on our own. Maybe God showed me that little glimpse of what worship means to him, partly so I could share it with you now. Maybe He wants you to be able to push past whatever barriers prevent you from really entering into the beauty of the full worship experience. I can’t say for sure, all I do know is that I felt compelled to send this out to you!

I wish you all the best, all the blessings that God has for you, all the adventures and all the abundant life that is God’s wish for those who Love Him and follow Him and serve Him. May you be counted among them!


Copyright - Doug Petry